The Prince Charming Myth

The following conversation pictures how most "princesses" (women) think.

"What type of man do I want to marry?" the young woman repeated the question that had been asked of her by the Rabbi (the spiritual leader of a Jewish congregation).

"Well, I want someone kind. And smart. But not the too-kind type that lets himself be walked on. And not the too-smart type that lets it get to his head. Someone who isn't too much into his books: someone sociable. A leader, the life of a party - but not someone who aggravates with his presence. I'd like him to be handsome, but not haughty. I'd like..."

"It sounds like you want to marry more than one person!"

She looked at the Rabbi, seated behind his desk. His smile was broad and his eyes twinkled.

"It sounds like you want to marry more than one person." Cited from Shimon Posner’s article "Finding love".

Hmm…are we all dreaming to an inexistent prince charming? Does he exist?

It is more and more emphasized that we, the girls, have read too many novels and those are not the real life…those are a game of imagination. Fiction is full of sparkles and infatuation, pink rivers of romance…fairy tales.

We have to be realistic and learn a precious lesson, there is no such thing as "the perfect human being", not masculine nor feminine for that matter. The person we fall in love with is not perfect, we have all the chances to see that after the butterflies find their way out of our stomach. Yet, the other’s qualities balance our lacks and our qualities balance his. There are things that cannot be changed within your prince’s personality and the bad news is that in time they can aggravate; therefore, ask God for guidance, try to see if you can live with his defects too. Are they compensated by his qualities?

Be prepared to find two or three defects that you’ll most probably have to live with. It is not a disaster, don’t freak out! If God wants you to marry a certain person HE will give you enough grace and inspiration to learn to live with those defects. Of course, I don’t include here physical aggression or stuff like that! I am confident that we all have the discernment to know what we can’t stand.

Love = Passion?

Also it is very important to make a clear distinction between passion and love. Although love includes passion, love is not passion, infatuation.

The passion focuses on the physical part of the relationship and it depends on it. The character is not that emphasized, in fact she or he might seem perfect! It is easy to love a beautiful girl or a handsome man yet, if there are no character features to complement that physical appearance, statistics show that these kind of marriages last for 2 up to 5 years, ending in divorce.

Why? When they are both gorgeous looking? After 2 years of living together, the physical part has the tendency to fade because the cruel reality steps in requiring the paying of bills (house, car etc.), requiring mutual trust, sound mind, decision making, raising children, etc. Those are not found in the good looks…

Love is the decision to remarry the same person every day; it is a constant act that depends on your will. Love is a growing process; it is built up by the small acts of everyday living together.

Right, so be realistic, make a clear separation between facts and fiction, do not freak out because you are perfect and prince Charming does not exist, pray for wisdom and discernment, make sure you love his personality not just his muscles.

Keep an open eye before you get married, be objective, listen to your parents’ opinion, see how your friends see your loved one and then put it all in the balance of prayer. Don’t hurry! Give it time, you can see the "real face" of the prince /princess only when you let enough time pass. It is usually after six months that the features of the real her or him start to show. That’s why, it is wise to wait at least one year before you say the final "I Do".

Two Secrets of A Happy Marriage

In the era we live in, divorce rate rises continually. Back in the fifties, the divorce rate in the church was much lower than the divorce rate in the world. Yet nowadays the divorce rate in the church is the same as that of the world’s.

It is very interesting to observe that among Hasidic Jews, this means Jews that still have prearranged marriages, the divorce rate is zero! Incredible, isn’t it?

However when asked about the secret of such a low divorce rate, the main ingredient was respect. "We respect one another" they said.

Another survey showed that among the Christian couples who pray together (I mean really making time to pray, not just saying the blessing at the table) the divorce rate is incredibly low, less than one percentage. Obviously, here praying together is the key.

These two categories have given along with their answers, an important indicator to a marriage’s stability. Let’s see more about respect and prayer in marriage.

How can respect be nurtured in your relationship?

1. First of all you need to realize that your spouse is not primarily yours; what I mean is that he or she belongs to God, he/she is God’s "property" and it is God Who gave him/her to you. You will also have to give an account to God concerning the relationship with your spouse, you are supposed to grow together closer and closer to God’s image and in this process you also grow closer and closer to one another.

2. Jesus said "Treat others the same way you want them to treat you." That involves knowing your partner better each day and treating him/her as they want to be treated. There is one important thing to note here, treating him as he wants to be treated (not as you want him to treat you); I am making this distinction clear because women have certain expectations like being paid attention to, listened (not only heard), ultimately all these lead to one thing: respect. The same way, men need to be respected, they need to know that their partner admires their qualities in private and in public as well. However, people are unique, your partner is unique, that’s why you as his wife and you as her husband should know best your partner’s love language.

Just as you can’t make a sparrow swim or a fish fly, the same way, you need to create the suitable environment for your spouse, telling him/her you love and respect her/him using her/his own language. Many times the way you want to be treated is not the way he wants to be treated by you, he might just not perceive certain gestures the way you do; that's why, you have to learn, use and continually update your partner's love language.

3. Pray together, stay together

Prayer creates an incredible bond between people, and especially when it comes to marriage, God, the inventor of this institution will surely strengthen it and help the two make marriage what it is supposed to be. Being thankful every day for your partner, with him/her actually hearing you saying "thank you Lord for my husband/wife" is such a blessing and such a great wounds healer! It can heal deep wounds; this gives depth to your love and respect levels. Just being grateful for what God gave you.

It is in prayer that you realize better and clearer how together you form a whole and that you should complete each other and not compete against each other. Ridiculing each other is a habit that can be fun at first, but once it reaches maturity, its fruits are bitter. Therefore coming before God every day, simply allows you both revolve around the steady axis that can really reinforce your marriage and can put you back on the right track.

Spinning one around another as a couple is not sufficient, people change, feelings can be up or down, situations differ, yet God is the same, always, never changing and this stability and advice that you can receive only from His perspective, is of a great value in marriage, actually is the best advice ever!

Through prayer God will also remind you of how beautiful He wants your husband or wife to become (especially married couples know the "cruel truth" that there is neither Prince Charming nor Snow White, but in fairytales).

You will be reminded each day of how precious you actually are in the eyes of God and that will make the task much easier for you as your spouse will not rely on you for his/her self esteem. The main problem with many people comes from their low self esteem, it not only brings them down but it will surely affect their marriage too.

Forgiveness is another precious jewel you can receive trough prayer and oh, if your partner is breathing…it means you are likely to be offended; that’s why forgiving is also crucial.

Above them all, the infinite love of Love itself-God, will be poured in your hearts and your joy of living will be continually refreshed by His Holy Spirit living inside you.

These are solid secrets of a happy marriage: love and respect each other and pray every day!

Cooling Conflicts in Marriage

"We’ve been married now for 35 years and my wife has never thought about divorce… she only thought about murder a few times." This is a joke – I mean the murder part- but it reflects the true fact that within a couple, there are conflicts occurring and when you know you are right, you don’t like to lose and here comes the sparkle that ignites the dynamite and booom it goes!

It takes less than 10 seconds to go from zero to boiling and the fight has the potential to become extremely destructive. The wise Solomon says that we should stop the anger before it bursts because releasing it is like the rage of destructive flood water.

1. Therefore, the first step in dealing with anger and conflicts is to stop them before they begin, in other words, to anticipate their occurrence and learn to recognize their coming. What causes them? Is it a sensitive topic? Is it a certain pattern of adding gas on the fire? Whatever you discover it might be, do your best to disrupt and break those vicious patterns. Specialists have seen that even the smallest change when approaching such a situation, has the potential to start building more beneficial patterns.

2. Secondly you and your partner need to agree that when sensitivity runs high it is time for time out. Both of you should come to this conclusion and act likewise. It is much healthier for your relationship to discuss the sensitive issue when you’ve calmed down. Besides, as Christians, we are to be known for our patience.

Pay genuine attention to what your partner has to say, if you want to communicate and reduce conflicts practicing real active listening is a must that can’t be overlooked. When you see that your partner is self-protective, this is the signal that clearly shows that you both need time to let the "storm" cool down by taking a break.

3. Thirdly, the differences between you are normal! Think about it, you married him/her because she/he is different from you! Would you have rather married your clone? Consequently, to have different opinions is usual and good; consent to disagreeing. You can’t demand your mate to see everything the way you do. If you try to force him/her into it, just remember that the fiercest of dictators ended killed by the people they ruled. I am not saying that you’ll be killed, but yes, it has the potential to kill your relationship.

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?" (James 4: 1-2) Arrogance, self-importance and egocentrism are regularly the barriers that hinder us from simply letting our partner do it his/her way. A healthy marriage has to learn to manage these negative but unfortunately realistic character deficiencies.

The best thing you can do is to lead by the power of example just like Jesus did. Don’t demand respect, earn it by every day’s actions and be realistic enough admitting that you simply can’t force your partner adopt all your views. Besides…that could be so boring!

4.Fourthly, don’t bring out the list of mistakes since the day you met him/ her. Simply deal the existent problem without generalizing it with words like "you always do this…", "every time you act the same". Focus on a single subject; try not to divagate although it might seem tempting.

Finally, create a win-win situation. As mentioned earlier, dictators might have their way for a while but the end is disastrous. Keeping this in mind don’t try to "win" showing your partner that you are "right". Do your best to come to solutions that will make both of you winners. This rule applies in management, business and all areas of life where you want a long lasting relationship! It also works for marriage. This "win-win" approach will build trust in your relationship; you will see your partner’s preoccupation and care for your wishes.

Just as negotiation is an art where you can use everything, a whole palette of methods, negotiation in marriage is the same. However, the best, renowned negotiation tactic is patience. Patience in your thinking, in your actions and your deeds will empower you and will bring forth sweet fruits for you, your partner and consequently, for your marriage.

10 Things You Can do to Spice Up Your Old Married Life

By Anastacia Mott Austin

Remember when you first started dating, how exciting and passionate everything was? For some of you, that might not have been that long ago. For some of us, it seems like a hundred years. (Fifteen to be exact, but who’s counting?)

In fifteen years, or more (for you veterans), there are bound to be ups and downs. Let’s face it, it’s tough to live with the same person, day in and day out, for 5,475 days, give or take a few.

Some days you wonder, why can’t so-and-so remember to shut the gate into the front yard behind him when he comes home, even though you’ve told him about 800 times? Or maybe he thinks, why does she have to have the gate shut (answer: it completes the safety circle around the house…okay, so he’s not the only one with weird little tics).

Simply put, other people are maddening. And to someone else, you’re "other people." What to do then, if you want to live happily ever after?

Over the years, my husband and I have settled into a few things that work for us, but it’s been a journey to be sure.

We started with John Gray’s "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," and it helped. It helped because it showed us that it’s not personal. Which is hard to understand sometimes, because when you live with someone it becomes personal. But it really isn’t. He doesn’t mean to hurt my feelings when he doesn’t respond if I’m talking, for example, and I need to learn that he simply cannot hear me when the game is on.

That book helped for a while, and then we forgot about all of the helpful exercises. Force of habit. We forgot because we used it long enough for things to feel better, and then we just stopped doing them (hmmm, maybe we should pull that book out again).

So what’s the big, juicy secret to a happy, successful, sexy marriage?

There isn’t one.

Before you get too discouraged, I say there isn’t one, because there are as many secrets to a successful, passionate relationship as there are couples.

One of my favorites came from a story I heard about an old woman who had been happily married many, many years. A young woman asked her what their secret was. The old woman said that when they first married, she allowed herself to write down a list of 10 things her husband did that drove her crazy. She told herself that she would forgive the 10 things and only these 10. So she did that. Whenever he did one of those things, she took a deep breath and let it go. Many years passed, and she lost track of the list she’d written. Which was ultimately a good thing, because now whenever he did anything at all that annoyed her, she took a deep breath and said, "Good thing that’s on the list."

For me, it’s all about tolerance and being able to see the big picture beyond the small moment. At this moment my husband has been sick on and off for about a month, and he’s driving me bonkers. But then I take a deep breath, and force myself to think about how he’s such a fair person, how his faith in our partnership goes way deeper than mine, how he "gets" me, most of the time. And that enables me to hunker down and live through "the worst flu I’ve ever had." Again.

But this article isn’t just about surviving a relationship, it’s about how to sustain the passion and the fun of your early days.

You can’t.

Okay, okay, before you get all bent out of shape, you can’t because later it’s different, and in many ways it’s better. Some of the most passionate moments can be had if two people have been through it all together, you really know and trust each other, you can go to intimate places together you never thought possible.

And while things might be different than your early dating days, there can still be a spark, there is still romance, there’s still fun.

It’s not always in the classic Hallmark moments either. I have to admit, I was thrilled when my hubby finally understood, after about 13 Valentine’s Days together, that I really prefer the See’s Candy Nuts n’ Chews to the truffles, which I’ve never really liked. So thirteen years of gentle hinting didn’t work and I finally had to tell him, more than once, "Thanks Sweetie, for these truffles and the generous thought behind them, but I really like the Nuts n’ Chews." Now we joke about it: "Nuts n’ Chews, baby."

Not spicy enough for you? The thing is, it is spicy between us sometimes, but it’s more than that.

This is the man who rubbed my back for 23 hours straight while I was in labor with our first child, with me stubbornly insisting we have a natural home birth, even though the baby was in a difficult position, we had an inept midwife, and the overall experience was so horrible that I still cry when I think about it. When that new baby never stopped crying, he’d get up in the middle of the night and take her in the car on a looping route he memorized to get her to go to sleep, and when it worked he’d pull over and study his night school books while I grabbed precious sleep at home.

This is the man who loved my body through all of the changes of three births, nursing, night wakings, no sleep, months with no sex, weight up, weight down, grad school for both of us, struggling careers, moving so many times, friends who came and went, other people’s marriages failing, passionate disagreements and fundamental differences, but with love and those little people we made in common.

See, it’s not so simple as 10 things you can do to spice up your night life.

He had faith that things would be good again, and they were. We understand each other in the most important ways, and even when that seems to fade, it is still there.

If things start getting bogged down and no fun and there’s no spark, we know we need to get back on track. That’s when he’ll start leaving me sweet notes in the morning, we’ll plan to call each other during the day, have lunch dates, arrange for a sitter so we can be alone together, go out dancing.

But you’re waiting for the 10 things you can do to heat things up. Okay, here they are:

10 Things You Can do to Spice up Your Old Married Love Life

1. Get some time to yourself. If you’re married and you have children, there are times you inevitably forget who you are. Take in a movie alone, or if you have the luxury, go camping alone for a night or with some girlfriends. Make time to miss your spouse. Travel alone, go on the adventures he’s not interested in. When you come back, you’ll be refreshed and he’ll look like he used to.

2. Learn forgiveness. Of him, of yourself, of life in general. Yes, he is annoying sometimes. But so are you (I know, it’s hard to believe). Try to remember we’ll all doing the best we can, and it seems too simple, but if you practice treating other people, especially your "old married" spouse, the way you want to be treated, amazing things can happen. Forgiveness and tolerance are two of the most important traits to develop in yourself if you want to be in a long lasting relationship.

3. Don’t neglect your love life. Don’t take it for granted that you’ll always be hot for each other. That takes TLC and maintenance. Hire a sitter and have a date night, at least once or twice a month as a bare minimum.

4. Since you know each other so well, do the things for each other that you know are special. If he loves the Giants, spring for tickets and go to a game together, eat bad hot dogs and $8 beer. Get him the Milky Way Midnight bars for no reason.

5. Don’t let yourself go. I’m not talking about plastic surgery, or being obsessed with flat abs, but at least sometimes, try to make yourself presentable for your spouse. Pretend that he or she is the new person in your life. You can’t help but feel a little "spicy" if you’ve got at least some lip gloss and some nice outfit on that isn’t sweatpants. At least on some level, your partner will appreciate that he’s special enough to look nice for.

6. Talk. I know, boring. But talking will get all of the mundane things out of your system and free up space for thinking….other things. If your mind is full of how it’s his turn to do the dishes and how it bugs you that he never is the one to do toothbrushing with the kids, you’ll have no room to remember how funny his jokes are or how he still has a cute butt.

7. Surprise each other. If things start getting to be the same ol’ thing, do something different. In the bedroom, try out some Kama Sutra moves, or buy new lingerie, role play, use more candles, take your time, think about what you used to do together in the early days, and recreate your favorite scenarios.

8. Do surprising things outside of the bedroom too. If you’re in a "What do you want to do?" "I don’t know, what do you want to do?" funk, just stop it. Take some time, do some research, brainstorm, come up with some new ideas. When you were first together, you did new stuff as a couple. It’s not too late. Pretend you’re a tourist in your own town, do something different and fun: try roller skating, ballroom dancing, go to a rave and wonder what all the kids’ parents must be thinking.

9. Okay, I can’t think of anything else. Use the last two to find your own ideas for a reviving the spark in your married life. Nobody knows you and your spouse better than you do, so get creative and remember what used to work. If it worked for you then, try it now, or try a new version. The truth is, what works for any one couple is ultimately unique to them.

Now knock some wood for me, because inevitably whenever I dole out relationship advice like I know what I’m talking about, the next day we always have a big, screaming fight and I realize that I don’t know anything.

Besides, I just looked out the window and saw that the gate is open. But you know what? It’s a good thing that’s on the list.

The Joy of Being A Husband (1)

In the sixth day of creation, God said: "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them…"

We are looking around and everywhere we see are families destroyed, ruins, misfortune and no blessings. Why is that? God said: "be blessed", then why are we in this condition? We know the answer – the sin. God gave us a second chance in Jesus Christ – in Him we (husband and wife) can be one, we can have happiness, peace, joy and blessing in our families. Now, I’m looking to different families and see joyless, less happiness, lack of blessings; I can see worry, despair, dissatisfaction and the list is long. Why is that?

God established certain roles in a family: the husband has his role and the wife has hers. When we resign from our roles, we have the opposite result that God planned in family. Let’s see the husband role in the Bible.

Paul said in a well known text: "Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head (κεφαλην) of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Every man who prays or prophesies with his head covered dishonors his head. And every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head —it is just as though her head were shaved. If a woman does not cover her head, she should have her hair cut off; and if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut or shaved off, she should cover her head. A man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man. For man did not come from woman, but woman from man; neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head.

In the Lord, however, woman is not independent of man, nor is man independent of woman. For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God. "I Corinthians 11:3-12

If we pay attention to this passage we will see that Paul speaks about the spiritual fight (prayer and prophecy) where Christ church is involved. In same idea, this passage is part from a larger text (chapters 8-11) where Paul warns Corinthians Christian about the danger of worshiping idols. In this battle the family has a special place because it is the "cell" of the Church, so, healthy cells equal healthy body and sick cells lead to a sick body. We can not have healthy families if husbands and wives refuse to stay under the authorities established on their side. Trying to understand husband’s role in the family, we are forced to see this in the light of spiritual war.

Keeping in mind the relation between God the Father and God the Son, relation were the Father is the Head of Christ, we will try to perceive three functional dimensions of κεφαλην (the head).

1.Authority – the power to action in the name of a superior person, concerning hierarchical order; in other words, authority is the power invested or transferred from other person. In Greek we have the term "εξουσια" which means right, freedom, ability, capacity, the power to do excellent realizations. This expression is used in verse 10: "For this reason, and because of the angels, the woman ought to have a sign of authority on her head". Let’s see what Jesus Christ teaches about His authority as head of the Church.

First you have to admit that the power is not yours, it belongs to whom gives it to you: "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me" (Matthew 28:18), "By myself I can do nothing;" (John 5:30).

2. Second, you have to admit your totally dependence: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does." (John 5:19).

This is how Jesus relates to The Father. Now see more about how this applies in the life of the husband in the next article.

The Joy Of Being A Husband (2)

In the light of the verses mentioned in the first part of this article, the husband should understand that he doesn’t have any power from himself but from Jesus and he is totally dependent on Jesus. It will sound like this: "All my authority in family has been given to me by Jesus" or "By myself I can do nothing in my family, I’m doing only what I see Jesus doing, because whatever Jesus does I’m doing also".

The concept of head assigned to the husband confers him the authority to act with his wife as Jesus does with his Church.

2. Responsibility – the capacity and obligation to account for the way that he used the authority, and that’s in front of Jesus. "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked".
There is no authority without responsibility! The husband is responsible in front of Jesus as Jesus said that he is responsible in front of the Father: "I have revealed you to those whom you gave me out of the world. They were yours; you gave them to me and they have obeyed your word. Now they know that everything you have given Me comes from You. For I gave them the words you gave me and they accepted them. They knew with certainty that I came from you, and they believed that you sent me" (John 17:6-8), and "…Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless" (Ephesians 5:25-27).

So, the husband’s responsibility is to feed his family the word of God, to give himself for his wife and to present her in front of God without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

The husband is responsible for the way he carries on his authority confronted by his wife and is also responsible for what his wife becomes during the years they spend together. In the Garden of Eden the first one called to give an account was Adam not Eve, because Adam was responsible for what Eve was doing under his authority.

3.Serving – the capacity and obligation to fulfill the needs of his wife and family (and we are not talking about caprices). There is no authority without serving! Jesus said: "… whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." In the light of these words, we have to say that any husband who wants to have authority in his home, he must be the servant of everyone first, because he is not the head of the family to be served but to serve, till sacrifice. Maybe some of you will say as the disciples said: "If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry".

In a family were the husband fulfills his role of head (κεφαλην) in these 3 ways, his wife will be a helper suitable for him. And do not forget, everything will be easier when you have the Creator on your side: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves and a cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Once a husband understands what really means to be the head of his family/wife he must follow Jesus model and answer every day to his call full of love:"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me." Taking Christ’s cross daily means to die to yourself and serve to the best of your abilities and knowledge the one who will inherit with you the gracious gift of life. (I Peter 3:7). This is not in accord with our sinful nature - it’s a will exercise and it takes time to really learn is so… we need practice!

The reward of a biblical conduct from a husband it is a wife who will love her place under his authority and with God’s help will be a suitable helper for him. That’s the real joy of being husband!

Woman, What's Your Role in Marriage?

Am I a suitable helper for my husband?

We look in the Bible to follow God’s project for the family as the Great architect created all things. The Scripture points the roll of the woman in family building:"The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Proverbs 14:1

God created Adam in the Garden of Eden "to work it and take care of it". (Genesis 2:15) So we can see Adam had a job as soon as he was created, to work the Garden and take care of it. For sure God created the woman to help Adam to one of these two activities related to his work in Eden Garden: work it and take care. If God’s intention had been to create a physical helper for Adam in the Garden, undoubtedly He wouldn’t have created the woman but somebody much stronger than she was.

It seem that she was created as a partner suitable for Adam, in taking care of the Garden. However the necessities of guarding were not about thieves or wild animals because all the animals there, were all herbivorous and in a perfect harmony. Eve was created for Adam to help him take care of something else there in the Garden. Most probably Eve was created by God as a helper suitable for Adam within the purpose to help him in watch over the Command given to him: " you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die" Genesis 2:17

The wife was created for her husband to be the most suitable helper in the spiritual battle. She is the one who knows and feels best the struggles, worries and anxiety her husband goes through. No one can share the happiness or sorrow of her husband deeper than the wife. Nobody can experience the spiritual high or the deep falls of the husband better than his spouse. So who else will God use in a man’s life if not his very wife?

"Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers". 1Peter3:7

But how can this "weaker partner" be a appropriate helper?

Take a look at the meaning of "helper". In Hebrew language "help" is "eezer". Abraham had a servant named Eliezer, for he said, "My father's God was my helper" Exodus 18:4 also Samuel took a stone and named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far has the LORD helped us" (1 Samuel 7:12) , recognizing this way the Lord’s help. Such as the meaning of this "helper", refers to receiving help from Someone more powerful (God), shows that the wife is not inferior to her husband, but has enough power to be the suitable helper as God considers it is best (I am not saying she is stronger than men although in certain areas she might be, what I refer to is the fact that if God Himself says about the woman that she is the appropriate help, it means she does have all means to accomplish this call).

Why would man need a suitable assistant, it there some kind of a danger?

God told Adam not to "eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die" so he was in the danger of death every moment. The helper God intended through Eve is justified in the context.

Today, it means that the wife covers the husband in the spiritual battle in the sense that she knows his best and also his weakest points and she knows how to act consequently. "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" Ephesians 6:12

So the danger is the spiritual battle we are involved in. In God’s wisdom He created the women so the man can be helped by God through her. We, man and woman, are equal in value but different in roles.

Let your husband feel your appreciation for what he does for you and family. He needs to know that for you (his wife) he is very important. He really is the most important person on the earth for you, but he needs to know!

Statistics show how within couples that pray together, the divorce rate less than 1%! The power comes from prayer, from discussing the issues with God in every aspect of live, that’s why keep him in your prayers always!

When Two Become One (1)

Let’s see what the great Architect tells us about marriage.

Why is it necessary to have a Biblical perspective about marriage? We believe that God created the world with all that is in it. "The heavens are Yours, and Yours also the earth; You founded the world and all that is in it." Psalms 89:11

What an all mighty God we have! Why should we guide our marriage according to His book? The logical answer is, we are His creation. How would it be if we bought a car but asked for the instruction manual of a washing machine? We surely need the instructions for the car not for a washing machine, that’s why, we come in front of God, our creator, to receive the "instructions" about marriage which is His institution.

"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral" Hebrews 13:4 Even if many people in the world do not follow these instructions anymore, the latter still constitute the foundation of marriage. If we want to build a house but fail to use the proper foundation, the house will not stand. The decision to build a good foundation for our marriage belongs to us. How do you want your marriage to start: with or without a solid foundation?

1. A parent will never tell or give his child something that would hurt him.
"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him" Matthew 7:9-11

Our God, who loves us more than we can love our children, knows best and for sure He wouldn’t tell us something to hurt our lives. He gave His people choice,asking them to choose, there hare only two alternatives: life or death. It is your decision to have a marriage full of life and happiness or ...not.

"See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction" Deuteronomy 30:15

"This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live" Deuteronomy 30:19 In choosing life for our marriage we need to realize that we have to act according to God's standards.

2.What are your expectations the moment you get married?

I have heard a story once as the new groom told his father in law: "Now, your daughter is mine!" Being a christian, the father in law replied:" You might say so but remember that she's God's first of all!"

A wife of noble character, a trustworthy and graceful wife is not something easy to find! "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones." Proverbs 12:4 "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life." Proverbs 31:10-12

Likewise, an integer man, with an admirable godly character, loving and respectful is indeed a great blessing. However, the most important expectation is to realize that you should be prepared to give not only to receive. When your goal is to give all your best for your spouse, you will not be hurt if you don’t always receive.

3.Do you expect that your spouse to fulfill all your needs?

Well, let me tell you that if it is so, a big disappointment will soon come into your life and maybe you will blame the other partner. Why are so many argues in the first month of marriage? The Bible tells us why: "I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature." Romans 7:18 Our sinful nature should be killed and whatever belongs to our earthly nature. What are the things belonging to our earthly nature and must die?

"The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God." Galatians 5:19-21

God established marriage as a tool for modeling our characters using our partner. The moment we get into one family, we aren’t perfect or ideal but we do have weak points. Our weaknesses and imperfections are coming with us in the marriage! In that moment we are in God’s workroom to become perfect for Heaven.

When Two Become One (2)

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will" Romans 1:2

So God will transform and renew our thinking, our mind, and make our character into His perfect will using our partner.

The love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and goodness will still characterize our life in any circumstances because we bear the fruits of the Holy Spirit.This means to crucify the sinful nature with its passions and desires because we leave by the Spirit. This occurs when your need is not met by your spouse, yet, you still have the Holy Spirit in you who will give you enough and increased joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and self-control so that you can successfully overcome your own resentful nature .

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit." Galatians 5:22-24

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry." Colossians 3:5

We all know these things so well but when we have a problem or feeling betrayed we so many times act within the sinful nature. Why is that? It is a matter of maturity but also the apostle says the following: "For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:22-25.

We are not used to give more than to receive. A good thought is to not expect from your spouse something that only God can give and fulfill. Do you think that if you get married you will not be alone anymore or you will be happy because the other will make you happy? I must say that this will not be quite so.

Why so and what’s the solution?

It is not correct to blame our partner for we do not have all his/her attention and we are not happy with that, The Lord is the Lord in our marriage too. The fruits of the Holy Spirit should therefore be in your heart and your partner’s heart as well. When we marry we do not say: "Dear God I am getting married; but now my spouse will take Your place (as You used to have) the first place in my life." No, God still has to remain your main focus and your husband’s/wife’s as well because the true happiness you will still find only in Him. No man on Earth and no woman on earth can carry the burdens God can carry! And that includes all those places of your heart so deep that only God can reach and fulfill, like self-esteem, self worth. No one but God can "prop you up" properly; of course now it is normal to expect encouragement from your husband/wife, yet don't develop a dependence on it! People fail many times to carry their own burdens and often find it difficult to always prop up their partner. Some talk about the concept of "distance" or "space", we all need our space and it is true.

I have recently spoken to a "just married" couple (1 month old) and she was so irritated because her expectations were not met. He had not been at home for a day. You may say it is normal to feel so, but firs lets see her story was: "Hey you didn’t even call or send a message before you went to bed!" His story was: "I called you several times and when you answered, you asked me to call you later, as you were over to a friend and you couldn’t speak to me that moment."

Both of them were right it was late and he was tired, but small things like that can bring a big flame if not taken care of! As the Bible warns us: "Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom." Song of Solomon 2:15 These "little foxes" apparently insignificant, can bring a lot of distress, that's why a solid character and plenty of wisdom are necessary in a successful relationship.

Are you having hard times expecting from the one you love here on earth, something that only God can give you? If it so, you need to be aware that no human will ever fulfill your "deepest of the deep" desires. You also need to know that if your main love spring is not God…well…men or women will sooner or later disappoint you, yes, including your spouse. However our sinful nature – flash must die, we need to focus on what God wants us to be for our spouse.

Although competition ruins marriages, the only competition allowed (in the good sense) is "Who makes the other happier?"
My partner is the tool in God’s workshop to make me a co-heir with Christ a heir of the Kingdom of Heaven. One day God will ask me: "How have you treated your spouse?" Have I treated him/her right making him/her become a prince/ princes or do I make him/her feel worthless?

I will close with the words of the wise king Solomon: "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

Let the Lord be Lord in your marriage!

Why Do People Get Married

"In fact, I think the whole concept of marriage is unnatural. I mean look at pigs. Let's take a second here and look at pigs. Okay pigs don't mate for life. I mean a pig can have like a hundred sexual partners in a lifetime, and that's just an ordinary pig not even a pig that's good at sports!"

~ Chandler Bing (Friends)

Well it seems like a perfectly valid argument. Why do people get married? Marriage seems to change everything in a relationship, doesn't it? All of a sudden the man becomes boring and the woman starts nagging. The man takes up a higher paying job to support the family and works late, while the woman feels no need to look pretty anymore and starts putting on some weight. And then the kids come and it all gets worse. They yell, they scream, they complain, and the relationship, which ran out of love perhaps within a year of the wedding suddenly transforms into an arrangement to look after kids with the couple no longer able to remember why they got married in the first place. And then suddenly it all ends one day when the husband and wife cheat on each other, because they start seeing how green the grass is on the other side. Or less acrimoniously, when both understanding partners simply admit to being bored of each other. How many marriages have you seen follow this similar progression (or should I call it regression?) Too many, I'm afraid. And this makes you ask yourself, "Why do people get married despite the fairly obvious horde of ensuing marital problems?". Perhaps you'd like to look through these articles on marriage advice for men and marriage advice for women to have a small glimpse into your life as a married person!

Reasons People Get Married

The slightly exaggerated pig-joke aside, people get married for one basic reason, because they see marriage as one of the milestones in this journey called life. Somewhere in our subconscious, we feel that when we die, we are going to have to fill out a form. Born? Check. Educated? Check. Moved out of the house? Check. Got a job? Check. Enjoyed some precious moments? Check. Got married? Ummm … They just don't want to leave that one box unchecked! What else will explain the fact that people who were picky with their criteria in searching for Mr./Miss. Right in their prime years start searching desperately in their 40s (late 30s for women) and settle for a Mr. or Miss All Right? What explains 'sugar daddies' and 'cougars' using their financial muscle to 'buy' love and security? So you can say all that you want right now about commitment phobia and an inability to 'tie' yourself down with someone, but rest assured that as age catches up with you, you will find yourself latching on to any half decent person of the same or another sex, and trying desperately to make things work.

There are others who know that they want to get married. Call me heartless or whatever, but there are people (myself included) who feel that they will find someone special and that will be the end of one of the endless lists of searches in life, which include knowledge, job, happiness, satisfaction. There is this wonderful feeling of finding someone and pretty much putting a handcuff on that person and feel good that they never have to search again. And the difference for them between a marriage and a relationship is that a marriage entails a long, heart-wrenching procedure, called a divorce, which might persuade you or your partner to think themselves out of it. Relationship breakups take a moment of madness (or enlightenment!) to get out of.

Still others see it as a way to take the relationship forward. Many people across the world balk at the idea of premarital sex. They feel that physical intimacy (or fourth base, as others may call it) ought to be saved for after marriage, as they see marriage as a means to give a social and cultural consent, before consenting. Sounds funny to me, but it's each person to oneself really! There is also the common need within humans (and also other animals) to procreate. That and the stigma of having a baby without marriage-there is a rather oft-used derogatory term used to describe someone born in this arrangement-drives a lot of people towards marriage. A new-born needs both a father as well as a mother, something which can be best accomplished through marriage.

Still others marry for more practical and heartless-sounding reasons. The most common among these is money. Marry someone rich and you never have to worry about financial problems ever again. The guy/girl will take good care of you, new car, caviar, seven star daydream-to tweak the famous lyrics a bit and make them a bit more contemporary. You never have to lift your little finger, and the price you pay for this luxurious living is largely physical, but seemingly, a good bargain. Some marry to get associated, non-monetary benefits be it health insurance, immigration, fame as the spouse of a star or good, guilt-free sex for a lifetime. The ones with lesser heart than these marry for divorce and alimony. Means to an end, as some may say.

Are you still looking for more reasons to get married?

So ladies and gentlemen, this was a fairly long list of answers to why do people get married. What do I feel about the topic? Call me old fashioned, but frankly, I feel that marriage is a sacred institution which ought to be respected. Take the marriage compatibility test just to be sure. After all, you need the partner that is right for you and one who you will continue to love through the bleak situation highlighted in the first paragraph!

Premarital Counseling Questions

Many couples, who are planning to get married, often go in for premarital counseling. Premarital counseling helps people in relationships, to handle themselves better and to avoid any kind of misunderstandings that may arise, after they start living together post marriage. Although, a lot of couple these days opt for premarital counseling, still, there are many who are confused and do not exactly know, what is premarital counseling? What kind of questions for premarital counseling, will be asked by the counselor? Will they be too personal? Will they be embarrassing?, etc. If you too find yourself in such a situation, and are wondering about the premarital counseling questions, then here is list derived from premarital counseling questionnaires, which most counselors follow. Read more on pre-marriage counseling.

Premarital Counseling Questions on Financial Matters

    * Do each of you has a financial plan?
    * Do you want to blend your finances? If yes, how do you plan to do that?
    * Are you under any kind of loan?
    * Have you taken medical insurance?
    * Have you invested in any savings and investment plans?
    * Do you have any retirement plans?
    * Have you made a will?
    * If any of you dies, how will you divide your finances?
    * In case there is a divorce, how will the money be divided? Read more on what is a prenuptial agreement.

Premarital Counseling Questions on Relationship Issues

    * If there is any misunderstanding between you two, how will you settle it?
    * Do you feel that your partner does not understand you, especially when you have had an argument?
    * Whenever you have a conflict, are you able to resolve it? Or do you feel that it can never be resolved?
    * Does your partner make you happy? How does he or she manage to do that?
    * Are there any habits or traits of your partner which you dislike immensely?
    * Is there anything about your partner that turns you off or which you want that he or she should change?
    * Are you and your partner, able to talk about sex comfortably?
    * Do you think that your partner satisfies you sexually?

Premarital Counseling Questions on Life after Marriage

    * How will the housework be divided between you two after marriage?
    * Who will make the family budget?
    * How much of friends and family are important to you? Is there anything specific about your family and friends which you would like to share with your spouse?
    * Do you want to have children?
    * How much of your time, daily, will you give to your children?
    * Where will you live post retirement?
    * Do you think that your future plans and goals will be made by giving priority to your family first?

Christian Premarital Counseling Questions

Catholic premarital counseling questions revolve around the spiritual and religious beliefs of the couple. Here are the commonly found questions in the Christians premarital counseling questionnaires for ladies as well as gents.

    * Is Jesus the Lord of your life? Will you give your life for your religion?
    * Has Jesus brought the two of you together? Do you think that he will bless you as a married couple?
    * Do you think that you will remain committed in this marriage till the end of your life?
    * Do you follow the spiritual beliefs, values and customs of the church?
    * Have you been sexually active with people other than your fiancée? Have you told each other about it?
    * Will you share your Christian beliefs with your children? How will you do that?

These were a few premarital counseling questions, which a couple can expect to be asked by the counselor. Counselors also give time to the couple for some premarital questions to ask each other. These days, counselors make the couples undergo a premarital counseling test, to check their compatibility in long term relationships. After all, to make a long term relationship work, a couple needs trust, understanding, mutual respect and similar values and goals, and what better way to identify these than going in for premarital counseling.

Funny Marriage Quotes

They say that 'marriages are made in heaven, and celebrated on earth'. However, there are times wherein the 'celebration' tends to go awry, most often owing to the differences between the sexes. Such 'goof ups' result in some hilarious situations, either in form of actions or words. Either ways, the end result we are subjected to is some much needed laughter, in the otherwise boring life. These funny marriage quotes and sayings intend to bring out the lighter side of the social institution, we refer to as the marriage.

Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings

You must have come across numerous funny marriage quotes from movies, which must have left you in splits. While some people associate marriage with a divine feeling of togetherness, there are a few who associate it with suffering. Of course, they are not serious when they associate it with suffering, but when they do so, they highlight some of the most hilarious aspects of the same. Given below is a compilation of some of the best funny marriage quotes you must have ever come across.

Funny Quotes about Marriage

"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." - Oscar Wilde.

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." - Rodney Dangerfield.

"Marriage, n: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two." - Ambrose Bierce.

"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates.

"The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds - they mature slowly." - Peter De Vries.

"A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he's finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor.

"Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets." - Ogden Nash.

"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk." - Rita Rudner.

"Marriage - a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters written in prose." - Beverly Nichols.

"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues." - Helen Rowland.

Funny Marriage Anniversary Quotes

"A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year." - Paul Sweeney.

"An anniversary is a time to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of yesterday, and the hopes of tomorrow." - Author Unknown.

"Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock." - Anonymous.

"An anniversary is a time to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of yesterday, and the hopes of tomorrow." - Anonymous.

"Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it." - Josh Billings.

This was a collection of some of the most funny marriage quotes and sayings compiled by us. Choosing a few from the hordes of quotes coming from some of the most prominent personalities from around the world is not at all an easy task. That being said, there are chances that we may have missed some funny quotes and sayings about marriage that deserved a place in this compilation. If you think we did miss some nice quote which deserved a place here, you can always put it here in form of a comment.

Marriage Statistics

Marriages are made in heaven. Or so goes the saying. However marriage statistics have a different story to tell. The availability of detailed marriage statistics has practically come to a halt since the year 1996. One cannot underestimate the importance of marriage and divorce statistics. These are important statistics that help to identify and understand trends that are taking place in this regard. Given below are details regarding statistics related to marriage that will help you get a clearer picture about marriages in the United States.

Statistics Related to Marriages in the United States

    * Over the last many decades, the number of marriages that have taken place in the Unites States has seen a decline, wheres the rate of cohabitation, divorce and childbearing out of wedlock have seen a significant rise.
    * From the year 1970 through to 1996, the marriage rate in the United States appallingly fell by more than one-third, that is, from 77 to only 50 marriages per thousand unmarried women.
    * One of the marriage statistics study say that the marriage rate in the United States is around 7.1 per 1000 population, whereas the divorce rate hovers around 3.5 per 1000 population.
    * From the year 1960 till the year 1998, the number of couples that were having a live-in relationship increased by nearly ten times, that is, from a figure of 439,000 couples to 4.2 million couples.
    * There is almost a 50% probability that women will be married by the age of twenty-five. However, a 50% probability that men will have married for the first time is seen only after men have reached the age of twenty-seven years.
    * The probability of a first marriage by the age 18 years is very low for both men and women in the United States; 6% for women and 2% for men. Read more on average marriage age.
    * Around 1.3 million children are born to unwed mothers each year.
    * Couples that remarry experience a relatively much higher rate of divorce when compared to first time married couples.
    * According to the marriage statistics retrieved from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth more than 70% of men and women that fall in the age group of 25 and 44 years have been married. The overall probability that men and women will marry by the time they reach the age of forty years is over 80%.
    * Around two-thirds of American teenagers believe that it is better to live with someone prior to marriage to be sure of compatibility and thus, to hopefully ensure that the marriage is not a failure.
    * Couples in second marriages, including step siblings and step family members, experience a large amount of internal friction and relational challenges when compared to marriages between people that do not have any children or family from the previous spouse.
    * Almost nine in ten youth want to be married at some point of time in their life and almost 93% believe marriage to be a commitment that they are in for life.
    * Almost one-third of Americans that fall in the age group of 24 and 34 years have never married.
    * Although majority of men and women aged between 35 and 44 years have entered their first marriages by the age of 35 years, lower percentages of men have done so when compared to women.

This was a small peek into marriage statistics in the Unites States. Although there is not a shade of doubt that marital problems tend to come in the way of many couples that think that marriage is a bed of roses. However, with a little bit of marriage counseling and some effort put in from the couples side, the trend of decreasing marriages and increasing divorces can hopefully, be a thing of the past.

Communicating with Your Spouse

Effective communication between couples plays a vital role in making a marriage successful. It is through communication that you express our thoughts, emotions and ideas to each other. Remember those days when you two were a newly married couple. During that phase, communicating with your spouse was quite easy going as there were so many things to say and so many things to know from each other. However, with passage of time, the curiosity to learn about each other dies out, and a communication gap develops. Lack of communication in relationships results in misunderstandings and conflicts. Communicating with your spouse regularly can keep such marital problems at bay.

Tips for Communicating with Your Spouse

During communication with your spouse, there are some guidelines that need to be followed, so that both of you can share your views with each other comfortably. They are as follows:

Be Attentive
When you are having a conversation with your partner, make sure there are no distractions around you. Your attention should not get diverted towards the television or newspaper or radio. Even if children or friends are around, you cannot focus your attention on the discussion. Therefore, it will be better if you can select an isolated location where you can give undivided attention to each other. It could be in the comforts of your bedroom. Or, you can go for a walk or long drive where you can talk more freely.

Show Respect
No matter how upset you are with your spouse, speak in a respectful manner. If you use foul language or mocking tone or you scream or shout, your partner will lose interest in listening to you. On the other hand, when you talk politely, he or she will be more willing to listen to what you say. Many a times, words expressed out of anger create a lot of misunderstanding or may hurt your partner very badly. For that you may have to regret later.

Speak Honestly
Do not hesitate to express yourself honestly. There could be some difference of opinion. This is absolutely normal in any relationship. You cannot agree on everything that your partner say, and vice versa. Some differences of opinion should not break your relationship. Rather, discussion on those differences with an open mind can resolve many issues. However, do not just keep talking about the dislikes only, talk about those things that you like about him or her. This will keep the conversation going in a positive atmosphere.

Listen Carefully
During communication, listening is as important as speaking. When your spouse is talking, do not interrupt in the middle. Do not just sit quietly, but maintain a receptive body language that shows your are listening. Let him or her express her thoughts and opinions freely. Even if you disagree with those thoughts, give a ear to each and every word, with an open mind. Once he has finished, then you can give your reaction.

Make Eye Contact
This gesture is crucial for any communication. It shows that you have an interest in what the other person is saying. Absence of eye to eye contact gives an impression that you do not have any interest in the discussion. This will irritate the person who is talking. Maintain eye contact even when you are talking, which in turn assures the listener that you are speaking honestly. Moreover, eye contact, gentle touching, holding hands will make both of you feel closer to each other.

Hope, you have understood the importance of communicating with your spouse. With your busy work schedules, household chores, managing kids there is very little time that is left for each other. However, efforts have to be made so that you can spend at least half an hour of your day, exclusively with your spouse. This will lessen your grudges, misunderstandings will disappear from your marriage, and your marital bond will strengthen more than ever before.

Age Difference in Marriage

As defined by society, the practice of men preferring to marry younger women and women preferring to marry older men has been in existence since the concept of matrimonial alliance itself came into existence. What has changed over the years is the age difference in marriage. More recently, women seem to prefer marrying highly successful men, who are considerably older than these women. That being said, whether the age difference actually affects a person's marriage or not has become one of the most prominent questions being asked.

Average Age Difference in Marriage Over the Years
A look at the statistical data compiled over the last century suggests that the age difference in a matrimonial alliance has been constantly changing owing to several underlying factors. First it fell from 29 years for men and 26 years for women at the beginning of the 20th century to 26 years for men and 23 years for women by the mid-20th century. This drastic fall of three years was attributed to the emergence of nuclear families in the society. By the end of this century, though, the difference was back to what it was at the beginning of the century. This reversal in the average age difference for marriage was attributed to factors such as education, women becoming more and more independent, better contraception, etc. Today, things have changed considerably as both men and women are giving their career first priority, thus, making matrimonial alliance take a back seat.

Age Difference in Marriage: Problems
New trends also suggest a drastic age difference in married couples, which can be as much as 15 years, today. The best example of this is the rising number of celebrity couples who are getting into matrimonial alliances despite the significant difference in their age. The bad part, though, is that the age difference in relationships can result in a wide range of marital problems between the two partners. Some of the most common problems which can be attributed to extreme age difference in marriage include lack of understanding, infidelity, sex drive disparity, financial problems, etc. A closer look and one would realize that all these problems are related to each other, either directly or indirectly. For instance, generation gap can result in lack of understanding between the two partners and this may result in either of the partners finding solace with a third person, thus, leading to infidelity.

What is the Ideal Age Difference in Marriage?
Ideally, the age difference between two people getting into a matrimonial alliance should be somewhere between 3 - 5 years. Basically, one has to take into consideration the fact that men attain maturity late as compared to women, which implies that men need more time to get accustomed to the responsibilities associated with a family. Marrying late also gives men enough time to get set with their career. This has lately become even more relevant as women folk seem to prefer well settled men over those who are yet to make a comfortable living. Even though women seem to prefer getting married late so that they get enough time to fulfill their ambitions on the career front, they need to be careful as opting for marriage too late can affect the biological cycle and result in medical complications when having children in the future.

Even though there are examples of happily married couples with a significant age difference, the number of such examples is considerably low, and therefore the ideal age difference in marriage should be 3-5 years. Interestingly, the same rule of the thumb applies in case of a situation, wherein a woman marries a man younger to her. However, in the end, these are merely numbers and to make any marriage work, one needs to put in a genuine amount of effort so as to ensure that the marriage is a long and happy one.

When God Is Writing Your Love Story

Getting into relationships is not that difficult, especially if you are one of those sociable people, however, the real test of a true love relationship is of course time and marriage. "For better or for worse, in sickness and in health", you know the traditional vows but not to break them it is something rather rare these days.Why so?

One and the most important of reasons is shallowness. Even if you know what you want, and your partner also does, is that enough? Are you sure this is "the one" or is out there another better option for you? How should you know that before you say "I do"?

Statistically speaking, marriages based on sex usually last from 2 to a maximum of 5 years. When I say based on sex, I mean that the character of the person is not placed before the looks on the importance level, thus the choice to tie the knot is made based on physical appearance which unfortunately is simply not enough in a relationship. For example if your date is this gorgeous looking guy, unless he has a gorgeous character to match, you’ll soon get tired of keeping appearances so the relationship is destined to a short story. If someone that you think about marrying does not respect you and is not honest and trustworthy, well…that will surely show after the wedding if you were too blinded to observe it before. A character to back up the good looks is essential for a long time relationship!

I am sure you, just like me, have already heard many love stories, they usually go like that: "well, we met there and we dated this long or this short and then we married". Going deeper, you find the reasons people married - unfortunately love is not the only reason - and sometimes, without realizing, people marry for fear of remaining alone for the rest of their days. This reason is nevertheless problematic because these people are actually in love with the concept of marriage and not in love with the person they marry. It is not so easy sometimes to really differentiate between the concept and the real person, but if you want to marry Paul, yet, James is also a good guy and you would eventually marry James (actually it doesn't really matter who would be as long as he is a good guy), obviously you are not so in love with Paul. Consequently you are still in love with the concept of marriage if you think something like that about your future marriage:" I want to marry a good guy/girl because I don’t want to be alone."

Marrying a good person is of course desirable but let’s just imagine a scenario where you met this person and you like her/him very much, you fall in love and then you realize that your life without her/him would not reach its highest potential or in other words, not having him/her in your life would be irreplaceable.

When you switch from "I can live with him/her" to "I can’t live without him/her" the things become true, you have a person in the center and not just a concept. Saying this about a person of character to last a lifetime is indeed a blessing!

To talk about it is easy but to actually make a responsible choice, a choice that will affect the rest of your days, is indeed a lot more difficult if you want a life time lasting relationship. Giving your relation time, sufficient time to really know your future spouse’s character is of course very important but it is not necessarily a guarantee that things will work out on long term as you dreamt. All human effort regarding this matter is of course important but… who knows in the end what may occur? The Bible talks about times of extreme poverty in the people of Israel where the most merciful of women ended up eating their own children…terrible!

I mentioned that only to put into perspective the most important point of this article: how should you know how your partner will cope with what the future holds? Who knows what may occur? What if there comes a permanent illness?

There are tough moments in life, yet there is one sure thing to know how to choose your "Mr/Mrs Right": ask God!

Yes, asking God regarding this crucial matter is very, I mean extremely important! God alone knows what the future holds and only He can really see the hearts of men, that’s why His pick for you is the best! One might think:"Oh but if I let God choose for me, will I like His choice?" As childish as this question looks, is however an honest one, and I am sure that God who loves you the most, God who knows the desires of your heart more that anyone (yourself included), God who loves to give you what is good for you, such a God will surely lead you to the best option for you regarding marriage! Ask Him to write your love story, it is the best ever!

If you don't know how God talks you first need to be in relationship with Him; this means to talk to Him asking Him to make you clean of your sins by the blood of His Son Jesus Christ, and here is the point where you are born into God's family! The next step is to get to know God from His Word, The Bible to be able to differentiate His voice from all the other voices. For example regarding marriage, God will never tell you to marry a person who is already married to somebody else because this is against His will written in the Bible.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Questions To Answer Before You Say "I Do"

Feelings are sinuous, they go up and down and we cannot guide ourselves in such an important decision as marriage based on feelings alone. Not that there is such a thing as a certain formula to test yourself with and know that this indeed is the love of your life and you should marry him/her, but God has His way of showing His people the answer to this question. If you want to know the will of God regarding this, you will know it!

1. Is your fiancee a born again Christian? You need to be aware that just because somebody goes to the Church ( regardless of the position he/she might be in ) doesn’t mean that they take God seriously! Just as much as going to the seaside for a swim doesn’t make you a fish! But if you really have God inside and you are a born again Christian, then you’ll know how to differentiate between the fake and the real deal. Don’t lie to yourself about the other person dreaming that you’ll change him/her! What you see is what you get! Only God can transform a person, I can assure you, human attempts are doomed to fail…unfortunately this is pretty painful to experience for yourself!

2. Are you proud of your future partner? Are you delighted to introduce her to your family and friends or are you embarrassed by the way he/she looks, dresses, behaves or speaks? Not that the one you marry should be some super model or the smartest on earth, I am not saying that, but is he/she in your heart the person that satisfies you from this point of view? If it is not…think twice! On the long run there are enough obstacles already, you don’t need to knowingly bring extra along the way!

3. Do you consider her/him inferior to you or do you feel inferior to her/him? For instance if there are big differences between the two of you in finances or studies, age, make sure you know where you stand because in time, things that bother you now, will grow in seriousness bothering you even more. I have seen and heard about families where due to the lack of studies, the husband was in a constant battle to "teach his wife a lesson" for she had a college degree. He felt inferior because he did not have it and that marriage turned into a living hell for the poor woman, none of us want to end up in such a place.This may as well not occur if your partner is a real christian but, make sure you know what you might have to face.

4. How long have you known each other? I have a neighbor and she is this sweet lady, very friendly and sociable, now divorced, and living with her daughter. I asked if there was something to give her a hint and ring an alarm bell before she married this man (the man had proved to be a ladies man). She said that there was nothing but she also admitted that they only dated 3 months before they got married. Indeed, the shorter the time you know the other, the bigger the odds to find unpleasant surprises later…when it is too late. In other words, take your time, know the person, but more importantly, know God because He will lead your steps.

5. What do your friends and family say about your relationship? You know, feelings can blind people, causing them to keep a shut eye on important matters that’s why, people from the outside can have a more realistic view and although you are the one who’ll make the final decision, their glimpse might be an eye opener for you too…one that you’ll be very grateful for later… The Bible tells us to listen to the advice of our parents - in the Lord that is - what are your parents saying about your relationship? If they do not agree with you, honestly weight their motivations, see if they are grounded or not. Take time and check because as the good old proverb says:"Better safe than sorry!"

6. Most importantly, if you are a real child of God, then God will guide you by the peace in your heart. Do you feel peace when you think about marrying this guy/girl or do you feel more peace when you think that you’ll not marry her? This is a very important indicator because God will give you peace when choosing right. If you don’t have peace, pray, ask God to guide you, be aware of the spiritual battle around and it also might be Satan to try to steal your calm and tranquility. Take your time, don’t do things in a rush, because God will answer and He will surely reward those who seek Him!

Average Age to Get Married

Marriage is one of the most important decisions in the life of any individual. Many people are seen to be totally confused as of when they should get married. The average age to get married is different at different places. However, at this point, we should understand the things or factors which influence in the average age to marry. Let us discuss them one after the other in the next paragraph.

Factors on which Age of Marriage Depends

Completion of Education
Marriages may happen late for some people who choose educational courses which are very long. This phenomenon has been observed in all parts of the world. The sky high expectations of both young guys and girls regarding the educational qualifications of their spouse to be has also increased the age of marriage.

Financial Stability
Financial stability is one of the most important factors which decide the age of marriage. In order to run the house well, one must have a good monthly income. Though some people manage to get a good job very early in their career, many others need time to settle down their career. Apart from getting a job, people generally marry only when they reach the desired post in their offices where they feel that their employment is secured.

Social Norms
There are many countries and regions where there are some social norms regarding the age of marriage. In many Asian nations, early marriages are common among people living in the rural areas. The trend of early weddings has been observed more in case of women then men.

Personal Choice
Personal choice also influences the average age to get married greatly. There are people around us who are very particular and clear about what kind of life partner they would want and will not compromise on any point. The average marriage age has been affected due to the growing education and stability of income among the women as they refuse to accept proposals of men who do not fulfill their expectations. In the next section, let us know more about the average age to get married.

What is the Average Age of Marriage

The average age to get married, as per the available data is believed to be 27.5 years for men and 25 years for women in the United States of America. If we go back a few years and consider the statistics of the year 1990, then we find that the average age of marriage for men and women was lower at the at time. In this year, the average age for men was around 26.1 years and that for women was 23.9 years. The average age to get married is less than thirty for most of the nations. However, in a country like Denmark, the average age to get married is around 32.8 years for men and 30.3 for women. In Belgium too, the average age of marriage is 30.4 for men and 30 for women.

Average age to get married is more in the urban regions than the rural regions. This is mainly because of the high living costs due to which people take time to become financially stable. However, one question which has always been debatable is - what is the best age to get married. The ideal answer for this question is when a person is truly prepared to take the responsibilities of a married life. Instead of asking other people when will I get married, you should ask your mind and follow the instructions which it gives you.

Hopefully, this article on average age to get married will guide you in the right way and help you build a successful relationship. Good luck!

Right Age to Get Married

Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. ~ Beverley Nichols

I think most young couples feel the exact same way about getting married. Love happens instantly and suddenly you've found the one person whom you are ready to spend your entire life. Healthy relationships are rare and the chances of them turning into a successful marriage are even rarer. Young adults today are scared of taking the big dive. Even when these adults reach their early 30's, they still aren't sure what to do about marriage. The right age to get married is one of the most searched topics on the Internet, as couples who gave marriage a back seat really want to know the right time to get married.

There's also a second string which is attached to all of this; young and uneducated couples in love. The US registers more than 2000 cases of teenage pregnancy every year and most of the mothers are married. Teens get married at young age and run off to live their lives their way. They don't realize the complexity and responsibility that marriage brings in. They are just happy to be with each other and they forget that life is more than love and romance. It's about realizing the importance of each other lives. There is no right age to get married, if you ask me. It all depends where you are in your relationship and are you ready to accept another responsibility and of your own.

Best Age to Get Married

Most relationships in this world are based on fantasy than on reality. The world was shocked recently when rock-star Avril Lavigne announced her separation from her husband of three years. She realized she was only 21 and she took a major decision of her life at a very young age. Not only her, there have been many high profile divorces like Britney Spears, Kate Hudson and Princess Diana have actually got people thinking which is the right age for marriage?

Although most us believe that marrying at the age of 25 or 30 is right, some of us will marry much later in life. Some of us will marry much sooner and some of us just hate the topic of commitment, so will stay bachelors and spinsters. Getting married is a confusing decision that most of us are scared to take and few of us take it without thinking. If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend for a long time, then it's easy because you are comfortable in each other's company and you trust each other. Many couples get married just because they had a crush on each other and they believe that he/she is the special someone. Yes, getting married is important but is it mandatory? What should be the average marriage age?

Legal Age to Get Married

The legal age to get married changes from country to country and in the US, the average age is 18 for boys and girls. In many states couples do get married at the age of 16 and sometimes even 15. If you ask me, I think the best age to get married is when you reach your early 30's or late 20's. I assume by that time you must have had a brief idea of how the world functions and what responsibilities you have to shoulder after you get married. Yes, marital problems do erupt after you get married but that's the joy of it. You need to work things out like you did when you were a couple. Marriage will change a lot of things but it's going to make you more committed towards each other and cement the relationship.

I've seen many couples who have gotten married at the young age of 16 and 17 and trust me; they aren't happy. Most of them feel they made a big mistake. I'd say men should get married at the age of 26 or 27 and women at 25 because as a man I know, we require more time to mature (No Offense). Age difference in marriage also plays a bigger part and so does marriage counseling sessions.

The question of what is the right age to get married can have various answers and most of the answers depend on a lot of circumstances in which the couple decide to tie the knot. Opting for premarital counseling is always considered as a better option because it helps you realize the impact of the next step that you are going to take. I hope, this article was a good read and you can also leave your views on what you think is the right age for marriage.

Money and Marriage: Beware of a Financial Windfall

Marriage is such a delicate balance between the needs of individuals and the needs of the couple that it’s difficult to make adjustments when things change. We’re all familiar with stories of people whose marriages have crumbled as a result of financial struggles and the consequences related to those types of issues. Whether it’s one or both parties losing a job or receiving a pay cut, having to account for the loss of income from one or both parties in a marriage is always a difficult thing. In today’s economic climate, we’re seeing more and more couples struggle with unemployment and the inability to find new work.

But we also see the same type of thing occur when an otherwise stable married couple sees a significant increase in their family’s earnings. When the familiar routines and the daily sacrifices are no longer necessary to make a household go, it can be a difficult transition.

The underlying element of teamwork is a strong bond in a successful marriage. Often, that bond is made stronger when sacrifices are made to ensure the overall health and stability of the family. When kids are involved, that sentiment only strengthens. Of course, sometimes making sacrifices - be it financial or otherwise - can be difficult. Especially if a husband or wife feels that they are giving up more than their spouse to help make things go. But when things are balanced, it’s generally a bonding experience when couples make sacrifices for the good of their families.

At times when financial windfalls take away the need to sacrifice and allow families a new-found freedom from financial concerns, the mindset of the married couple might change. Many times, as married couples struggle through their early years of their first child or children - and the cold realities of having to support themselves and their families - they grow closer. Sometimes, the struggle itself, while still enjoyable, rewarding and fulfilling on many levels, comes do define us. Anyone who has ever had the privilege of basking in the love of their children and the wonder of the experience has also probably had fleeting thoughts of what they would do with themselves if they had the financial means to do anything that they wanted to do.

When such a situation presents itself, many married couples are caught off guard. If the financial windfall came from only one spouse’s side of the equation, then there might be a temptation to "claim" or try to "control" what happens with the new-found financial resources by that spouse. Also, if one or both spouses had been unhappy previously, they could view the new money as an opportunity to get out of the marriage and not risk financial ruin or a long-term financial burden in the process.

Ultimately, no matter what the financial situation of a married couple, the relationship itself has to have a foundation outside of the daily minutia of just making a household work, with or without children. If that foundation is strong in trust and friendship, then the financial situation is likely to be inconsequential. It’s perfectly normal to encounter problems when a financial situation changes - for better or for worse - but at the end of the day it’s just another shared experience in the journey of marriage.

How to Argue with your Spouse the Right Way

There are many married couples who, one time or another, have had fights that kept on increasing for no apparent reason. Perhaps the initial tiff was on a small, meaningless matter. But after debating and arguing about it for hours, none of the two remember how it all started in the first place. When you live with someone in such close quarters, there are bound to be differences in opinions and beliefs. And that’s when things can often get out of control. It isn’t uncommon to find a married couple fighting or exchanging words that one or both haven’t regretted later on. In fact, arguments or at least the flow of dialogs are a good sign of communication. However, there is a tactic involved which every married couple should be aware of. Many a times, we end up speaking some harsh words which are not needed if you weren’t so angry or upset. Feelings get hurt and in the end of it all, the distance between a couple and in marriage increases. I’m sure you’ve heard and read this millions of times now that "communication is the key to a happy, successful marriage". And that is absolutely true. Without being open and honest with one another about your feelings, nothing can be achieved. In this article, we will provide you with some suggestions on how to argue with your spouse the right way. This way, you can work together and try to avoid any major fights or conflicts from ruining your bond with each other.

Ways to Argue with your Spouse the Right Way

The following tips which I am going to present are for both of you to follow. A fight or mis-communication isn’t just one person’s fault and that ideology should be avoided. Instead of charging at one other with hurtful words, why not implement the below mentioned practical tips and see where they take you.

Try to Stay Calm
When things get out of control and you feel that one of you is about to burst, don’t lose your cool. I know it’s very difficult to do this when you’re arguing at that particular moment and nothing makes proper sense. But instead of saying things you don’t mean and insulting one another because of your temper, it’s always better to hold yourself back. When you raise your voice or are coming at your spouse with an angry body language, things can take a wrong turn very quickly. What you have to do is ask for a little time out from all the arguing. You need to cool down, gather your thoughts, remember what is it that you are trying to tell or convey to your husband/wife, and then do so in a calm manner. Now when you speak to one another, you can easily explain what is it that is bothering you and how both of you can try to resolve the issue(s).

Avoid the Silent Treatment
Many a times, when a miscommunication, lack of communication, or clash of beliefs occur, one or both tend to give the silent treatment. While arguing with your spouse the right way, this can be a bad move; and I will tell you why. Let’s say for example, your wife/husband is upset with you because you forgot to introduce him/her to an old friend of yours. Now when you two are alone, he/she brings the subject up and reminds you that you forgot to introduce him/her. You think that it’s not a big deal and he/she shouldn’t make a big façade out of it. But since this incident has hit a particular cord with him/her, the point of "letting it go" is nowhere close. Your spouse explains to you that you should’ve at least mentioned who he/she is because this certifies his/her identity in your life. After a long explanation, in order to avoid a big fight, you end up being silent. You have no opinions or comments of your own. This makes the other person really upset and frustrated because it’s like talking to a wall.

When you want to know how to argue with your spouse the right way, you (the silent person) need to focus on breaking out of your shell. Perhaps you are more comfortable by being quiet and thinking that the argument will disappear on its own in some time. Wrong. Instead of disappearing, that fight will keep cropping up when you least expect it. So my advice to you is, face the argument and think about the issue from your spouse’s point of view. If he/she is so worked up about all of this, then maybe there’s something to it. Even he/she deserves to be heard, right?

Don’t Fight in Public
When you are out in public or aren’t alone when an argument begins, stop immediately. There are many bystanders who would love to eavesdrop on your conversations. Or perhaps there are some family members or friends around; that can be a disastrous moment because some of them may try to butt in and help mend things between you two. An argument, disagreements, fights, or whatever, between a husband and a wife is a private ordeal. So don’t wash your dirty laundry in front of others because that can make either one of feel embarrassing or demeaning. Plus when other people are involved, one person feels like he/she is being ganged-up on or attacked. This can make anyone feel alone and hurt. Which is why, think and see where you are and calmly communicate with your spouse. You will not only avoid a big fight but also eliminate all awkwardness.

Don’t Bring Past in the Present
If you are upset about something, say it clearly. Stick to the facts and don’t bring old fights in the new ones. Don’t go way back and talk about a completely different disagreement because frankly, those issues have no place at this moment. Many couples tend to do so because during a particular argument, they realize that they are quickly running out of ammo and they need to hit harder than before. Just focus on the current situation and try to deal with that first. If you do have any unsolved hurt feelings, then you can definitely bring them up when the time is right.

De-emphasize the Criticism
Instead of attacking someone with "You’re a slob" or "You can’t get anything right the first time", try using a different tactic. When hurtful words come your way, it is natural to raise an invisible wall in front. And when this wall is up, it becomes very difficult to bring it back down. Words and arrows are the two things that once released; they can’t be called or taken back. So you have to be very careful as to how you say something to your spouse. Just be honest with your feelings and tell him/her that some habit or behavior is not acceptable or appreciated by you. Who knows, your spouse might just surprise you and want to change few things in him/her.

These were some tips on how to argue with your spouse the right way. Arguments occur in a marriage and they are a part of our lives. No matter how much to try to run away from them, they really can’t vanish completely. But you can save yourselves a lot of trouble by having to go through blown-up fights and spiteful words. Remember, you two got married for a reason and that is to see each other happy and in love for the rest of your lives!